Week 35-37 - Thursday 10th December

Hello friends!

I thought I'd give a bit of an update, as I went back to work this week!

For those that don't know, I work for the Co-op (major UK food retailer, which is a co-operative, owned by its members). I had been in regular contact with my line manager (that should be plural, as they had changed, but that wasn't an issue) throughout my treatment, and we had discussed a phased return to work, before going on a training course when I'm ready, to take up my new role as store manager.  For those that have just stumbled across my blog, I'll give you a little bit of context about me and my job.

At the beginning of the year, a job opening was posted for a store manager position. I applied and in February, I had an interview.  Another job opening for a different store was advertised, and that interview carried over for this store as well.  In March I was informed I didn't get the first one I had applied for, but the second was still awaiting another applicant/s to be interviewed.

In March, I was having severe pain, and first went to the doctor, then referred to the hospital for additional scans.  I had informed the line manager that was recruiting that I was having these tests, and when he phoned to give me the good news I had been successful for the second store, he asked if I still wanted the job.  I said yes, however I informed him I still hadn't had a diagnosis at this point. This gave me something to look forward to, if I was able to take the job after (which I hoped was a good diagnosis).

At the end of March, I had to go off sick as I wasn't sleeping well, and the stronger pain killers I had, I couldn't take if I was driving to work.  Even then, the relief didn't last long enough, and they made me very tired. At the end of April I had my cancer diagnosis, and my new line manager put a plan in place to cover the store while I wasn't able to work.

Now to the present day.  When you're a newly appointed store manager, you go through an 8 week training course, which I've not had yet.  This was part of the discussion on Monday as to pencil in a plan, taking into consideration how I'm feeling.  We also did my return to work, and a rough outline of how my phased return would look like.  I'm currently in a different store, being supported in catching up on any operational details I won't be aware of since being off for such a long time.  This week I'm only doing 3/4 hours a day, for 3 days a week, with a day off in-between.  I've done Monday and Wednesday, and when I get home I am very fatigued.  Wednesday I had a nap as I was so drained.  My legs were a bit wobbly (they have stairs, which sucks when you live in a bungalow!).  I've got another shift Friday, and we'll discuss what next week looks like.  Everything is on my terms, and no one wants me to push myself too hard.

Those of you that know me, will all be worried I'd go back thinking I could do a full-time week, and make myself unwell.  Please believe me when I say I'm pushing myself to a safe limit, but very much listening to my body.  I've also got to bare in mind that I've got a longer car journey, so I need enough energy in the bank to be able to get home (although there are plenty of places to pull over if I need a rest).

It's very hard telling my brain that I cannot physically do what I would've done a year ago.  However, I just need to think how I managed the first few months of the year with the amount of pain I was having, to realise how far I've come in terms of treatment and recovery.  I also feel incredibly lucky to have an employer that is putting my well-being at the forefront.  They are genuine, and it's what they do.  They're doing it for the right reasons, as well as for the betterment for my long term health.  My brain does occasionally like to put a spanner in the works, but that's SAD for you.  It'll get better, so long as I behave.

In 3 weeks, we'll be at the end of the year.  I can barely remember half of it (at least I can remind myself with the blog!). 2020 has been dire for all of us, on different levels of dreadful.  The start of 2021 will still be challenging, but there's hope.  The power of people is amazing.  Do not underestimate your power of doing good.  You've all supported me through my crazy year, and have got me through the other side AND supported me with a charity stream to help the hospital that helped me!  At last count, that total reached £1,147.  I had an email from Justgiving saying my fundraiser was in the top 10% for November.  A heartfelt thank you to everyone who donated, and watched me suffer the every flavour beans and at the end, the hot beans.  Where I clearly lost my mind and ate the first 3.  Well you've got to do something crazy for charity, right?

As always, stay safe, stay well and look after each other x