Week 34 - Thursday 19th November

Hello friends!

WHAT A WEEK!  This time last week, I was given the all clear for my diagnosis of stage 3 cancer. I'll be honest, but it didn't really kick in when I was told. I was happy, but it hadn't really sunk in. After I posted the blog, and the messages started to come through, that was the point I started to realise that the battle was over.

I still have hurdles to overcome.  For example, continuing to get stronger, returning to work, overcoming the chemo brain, increasing the control of my toilet habits, controlling my SAD symptoms, continue to attend the regular check ups and remembering to take my HRT (Hormone replacement therapy) tablets.

However, what has this year brought me, apart from the shit storm that was the pandemic effecting everyone in its own way?  

I've learned that despite getting one of the most scariest diagnosis', I remained positive for the most part and had confidence in the NHS, providing me with amazing care.  I'm really not one to go to the doctors unless I think I really need to go, so would encourage you, even in these trying times, that if there's something not right, get it checked.

I've also got some amazing friends and family who have supported me with whatever I needed, and respected my wishes.  Doing this blog was mainly for myself, and for anyone else going through a similar journey.  However, I decided that I would use it to share with friends and family with what I was doing each week. This would minimize messages and phone calls I received to just a few, which was far more manageable. As my body was going through treatment, there would be no way I would've been able to cope with loads of messages and phone calls. There were a couple of people I was speaking to on the phone, but I would ask them to remind me what I told them on the previous call.  I honestly couldn't recall what I had said.  Some would say that's just getting old, but from what I was like before treatment, it was definitely treatment effecting me.

Some of you may not know how long it took me to do each blog.  I would make notes during the week, then the day before (which was only a radiotherapy day), I would put it together.  This would take me the best part of an afternoon to a whole day, depending on how drained I was.  Some occasions I would read over it 20 times, and still adjust it for mistakes I hadn't seen before. By the time I had finished it, I was exhausted.  Thankfully, it's a little less of a strain now, although the evenings tend to be a struggle at the moment.

As well as doing weekly blogs, I took a selfie each week from one week before treatment started. I continued taking these for quite a few weeks post treatment.  The last photo in this line was the first day I had got up, and "didn't feel like a cancer patient", I just felt more like me, which shows. These reference photos really did (and still do) help.  You won't notice the change week on week, but having something to look back on, gave me so much positivity to draw from to keep going.

The biggest shout out goes to my other half.  He has seen me at rock bottom when I was being sick, had diarrhea and struggled to eat, but would do anything I needed, especially when my energy levels were so low.  He was worried but remained positive throughout.  With lockdown especially, I would've struggled without him, he's been my rock.

The weekend also saw me do something insane, which was raise money for the hospital that treated me. Love Musgrove is the official charity for the hospital, and I thought it would be a great idea to give something back.  With England being in its second lockdown, I used the streaming platform, Twitch, to do a 24 hour stream of me playing games. Some may think it wasn't my greatest idea, but I promised myself and my concerned friends that if it was too much, I would stop. 

Despite having a few technical difficulties (including not being able to play two of the games I REALLY wanted to play, well maybe not the scary game), and also what you didn't know was that I had to visit the toilet far often than normal due to my bowels not being happy. However, a couple of minutes before the end of the 24 hours, £1000 was raised (and at time of posting, is now up to £1,100). Thank you for everyone's generosity with the donations and your messages. I also hoped everyone enjoyed the jump scare each donation made.  That wasn't intentional, and they honestly did make me jump each time.  Also the Twitch currency of "bits and subs" I'll calculate how much I get on payout and put those in as well.  Also a big thank you for all the Twitch hosts, follows and raids, I really appreciate every single one of you.  The page will remain open for some time yet, if you wish to donate.  I will also take any beans that are owed on the next stream.  

For those that weren't aware, every £100 milestone reached, I would eat a Bertie Bots every flavour bean and every £1000 I would have an extremely hot bean. When I reached the £1000 milestone, I ended up eating 3 beans, then consuming a lot of ice cream afterwards.  You can watch the last 30 minutes of the stream by clicking here. 

This will probably be my last post for some time, maybe until the check up in January. None of us know what the next month will bring, but however it looks like, stay safe, stay well and much love to you all.  Thank you x